Freedom is an inside job.
I write about self-liberation: healing, personal growth, and self-empowerment.For more recent writing, visit my newsletter at Sparkly Dark.
![Emma](https://joyninja.com/wp-content/themes/picostrap-joyninja/img/emma-stars.jpg)
Hi, I’m Emma. I've been working on my own healing and walking a spiritual path for 20 years. I share what has worked for me in the hope that others can use it to heal and find their own authentic joy and power.
Where to Start
- Attachment. I have Fearful-Avoidant attachment. I have a primer on adult attachment style as well as a detailed post on my journey with healing FA. I have also written a guide for people unsure of which attachment style they have and what activating and de-activating strategies means in attachment.
- CPTSD (Complex PTSD). I have CPTSD from childhood trauma. I have a primer on trauma/CPTSD and discuss inner child healing with parts work, emotional neglect and emotional flashbacks.
- Fantasy/Delusion. One way my brain coped with trauma was through romantic rescue fantasies and limerence. I've also written about false spirituality and self-delusion.
- Self-healing. It starts with mindfulness. I've also written about how to process trauma without therapy, change your core beliefs, practice self-validation, end self-loathing, and rewire your brain in real-time. I also have a list of my favorite resources (Youtubers, books, courses).
- State shifting. This is the technique of training yourself to "be happy anyway", i.e. self-generate states of joy and happiness to reset your baseline emotional state. I have an introdution to state-shifting and how it differs from toxic positivity.
New Posts
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I am autistic
This is a pretty big deal, so let me explain how I got here.
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I guess I have ADHD after all
I only recognized myself when I started reading people reframing ADHD as neurodivergence, and even then it took me awhile to deconstruct the pathology language surrounding it.
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Life update: divorce, burnout, new things
I’m through the hard, and ready to rock the internet again. Come find me on Substack or Facebook if you want to hang out!
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How to Use ChatGPT for Self-Therapy, Self-Coaching, and Personal Growth
Three examples of using ChatGPT for self-therapy and self-coaching, with full prompts and responses.
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Why Healing Can Feel Like Self-Betrayal
If you heal, does that mean you are letting the people who hurt you off the hook?
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The Layer Cake of Sustainable Motivation
Learn why creative & intuitive types can get stuck around motivation, and how to create that sweet, sweet alignment that makes you excited to jump out of bed in the morning.
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Intro to State Shifting: Choosing to Be Happy Anyway
Shifting from a bad mood to a good mood is both easier and harder than it sounds.
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The Moment Healing Happens In Your Mind
The moment when your brain offers you an interpretation based in trauma and you choose reality instead.
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Healing Clutter: Trauma and the Tyranny of Aspirational Objects
How to withdraw your inner critic and aspirational fantasies from objects so you can let them go.
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Healing Fantasies: Releasing the Longing to Be Rescued
Wherein I explain healing fantasies (aka redemption or salvation fantasies), the function they serve, my personal history with them, and what to do about them.
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Self-Loathing Serves a Purpose (and How to Heal)
Why our mind inflicts pain on itself and how to make it stop.
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How to Meet Your Own Emotional Needs Through Self-Validation
Giving up my healing fantasy of emotional rescue and learning to give myself the validation I always needed.
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Don’t Hold Your Present Hostage To Your Past
You have no power over the past. But you do have power over your present.
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How to Process Trauma By Yourself (Without Therapy)
Processing trauma isn’t nearly as complicated as it often sounds.
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False Spirituality and Self-Delusion
“Meant to be” can easily become a way to disempower ourselves.
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How to Heal Core Belief-Fueled Emotional Reactivity
You don’t need to fight a battle against a ghost. All you need to do is see that it is a ghost.
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Conscious Coping – Let Yourself Have It
Guilt and self-criticism do not improve your behavior. You can love yourself, even when you’re not perfect.
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When “Feel Your Feelings” Doesn’t Work
Sometimes you are just reinforcing negative beliefs.
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The Hell that is Fearful-Avoidant Attachment (and How to Heal It)
Desperate to be loved, terrified to be seen.
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It Doesn’t Have to Mean That You’re Broken
We end up holding ourselves hostage to the meaning we give things. Change your story, change your life.