February 10, 2011 · Filed under Healing & Growth

Releasing Resentment

Heads up! This post is 11 years old. In 2021, I restarted my blog after many years of not writing regularly. See the the new stuff!

Letting go of resentment makes you lighter.

This hails originally from AA, and was taught to me by my friend Sarah Dopp.

Who am I resentful toward and why?
What does this affect in my life?
Am I willing to show this person the same tolerance, compassion, and patience that I’d give a sick friend?
What’s my part in this situation? How did I add to it?
Have I been telling myself that I’m right and they’re wrong?
Am I using this sense of superiority to gain self-esteem or power?
Am I doing this because I’m afraid that the “regular” me is not enough?
They didn’t act right. What values could they have been acting with instead?
How can I work on strengthening those values in my own life?
I’m grateful that I have this obstacle to practice on.

Emma

Thanks for reading! You can leave a tip at buymeacoffee.com, leave a comment below, or follow me on Instagram. ~Emma

art.of.self.liberation

Instagram

We can stay stuck for years hoping someone will de

We can stay stuck for years hoping someone will develop the ability to understand their impact on us. This is not a good way to live. They may come to understand eventually, but meanwhile, give yourself permission to heal and move on anyway. It's not fair--but it's even more unfair to hold yourself back because others simply are not capable of meeting your needs. Letting go involves grief (which often echoes childhood losses which may be crying out for attention), releasing expectations, and affirming and validating your own value to yourself. 💚

The bulk of healing happens from simply letting it

The bulk of healing happens from simply letting it. We don't do that because it hurts, and because we have mental expectations that we should be some other sort of person who doesn't need to heal in the way we do. The most healing thing you can do is simply be present to yourself and accept yourself as you are, every moment, and let yourself exist as you actually are. 💚

Blame is so tempting, and so debilitating. When we

Blame is so tempting, and so debilitating. When we blame, we give up our power to do anything and put our salvation in the hands of the very people who hurt us. To move out of blame, accept what happened as-is. It happened. Blame is trying to control the past. Giving it up means grieving the past instead. 💚

Destructive habits all serve a purpose: they help

Destructive habits all serve a purpose: they help us manage our pain. The only problem with them is that they ultimately generate more pain. Positive habits take work to learn, effort to practice, and often don't have the same immediate payoff that our well-practiced negative habits have--but in the end, they reduce the pain by meeting our needs, which leads to recovery. So the question to ask yourself is, "Is what I'm doing going to lead to more pain or less pain in the end?"

And by "habits", I absolutely include our internal self-talk and thinking. Sometimes the biggest boundaries we need to draw are with our own thoughts: self-hatred is self-harm and self-acceptance is self-care. 💚

Follow on Instagram

Get a weekly email with new posts:

Leave a Reply Cancel reply