March 22, 2013 · Filed under Connection

Let’s be awkward together

Heads up! This post is 11 years old. In 2021, I restarted my blog after many years of not writing regularly. See the the new stuff!

bashful One of my biggest struggles over my whole life has been around belonging, and worrying that I will be rejected for one reason or another. I’m different, I’m a freak, la la la.

One way this shows up for me is in my writing life. I’ve created new blogs for all these different aspects of myself (business, creativity, personal growth, spirituality).

Underneath that is a fear that if I show up as any different than your expectation of me (the one I’ve established with previous blog posts), then you’ll reject me.

Is that real? Probably not. Demonstrably not, if I look to my friends and the people who appreciate and celebrate all of me. And yet it is such a big fear that my writing life has gotten splintered into half a dozen pieces.

I want to reverse that. I want one blog, one place for my writing. One place where all of me can show up and be seen. Because one of my missions is to help people bring all of themselves to their life.

Let’s stop being so divided and compartmentalized.

Let’s blur the lines.

Let’s show up with each other as our total freaky selves.

Yesterday I wrote about sex and kink. And I wrote about it here, although it scared me. Because this is the blog I want to keep, that I want to develop and have ebooks and classes and make into a business. This is what I want people to see when they see me.

So this is where I have to bring all of myself. Because I want to live in world where I can be all of myself every day. And expect that it will be celebrated, not rejected.

And you know what? It was. Friends, close and distant, said, “Alright!”. People I respect told me I was brave. I get to be me. Phew.

The question I’m living right now is, “How can I create a world I want to live in?” And the way I do that is create it around me while I live it right now. I’m not waiting. I’m not saving the world. I’m making my own world, right here, every moment. By doing what is in alignment with what I want everyone to be able to have, do, and be.

I want everyone to be free. I want everyone to have acceptance and peace and love. I want everyone to know that there are no parts of themselves that can’t be seen with love and learned from. And I want that for myself.

I’m not about helping people, or saving people. I’m about having a fucking fantastic life. And I fully want other people to come along and have fantastic lives too. So I’m helping and teaching and loving, but not out of selflessness. It’s completely selfish.

I’m on this planet to party.

Let’s have the life we want. Right now.

Let’s have all the love we want.

Let’s be all of who we are. Let’s love every stupid thing we do and laugh about it. Let’s forgive ourselves and each other for being such freaking messes all the time. Let’s create completely imperfectly. Let’s be awkward together.

Let’s be happy. Let’s smile and dance and stop trying to be perfect and better. Let’s love each other because we can. Because it feels good. Because love is the best way to live.

Let’s rock this world.

Yesterday I told a girl I liked her.

Like “liked-her” liked her. (The most amusing linguistic formation ever).

In the past I would have sat on whatever feelings I had for months. Looking for clues. But I decided I wanted to live in a world where we could just check in about these things. Before they turn into projections or obsessions or painful confusion or god-forbid pining.

I just wanted to be me. To say hey, this is what is going on for me, how about you?

And I nearly died from the awkwardness of it. Seriously. P.A.N.I.C. Z.O.N.E.

But I didn’t. I survived. We both survived. And it was good. It was great! Now there are possibilities rather than projections.

I want to survive more awkward moments. Because on the other side of awkwardness is getting to just be me.

And that is such a relief.

Let’s bring the acceptance we want to ourselves and each other. Right now.

So, Dear Reader, I want you to know that you are OK.

Maybe you have secrets you don’t want to share. Maybe you’ve done things you aren’t proud of. Maybe you feel like a freak, or weird, or ugly (I’ve been there). We’ve all been there. We’ve all felt that there are parts of us just nobody would accept. And so we stop accepting them in ourselves.

But that hurts. So let’s stop. Let’s you get to be you and I get to be me and we try to love each other and ourselves as best we can.

How does that sound?

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Hi there! I’m Emma and I write about self-liberation. My writing is meant to share my process & inspire your own. If you want more frequent/current writing, visit my Substack Sparkly Dark, where I’m unpacking my neurodivergence.

If my writing has helped you, you can leave a tip at buymeacoffee.com, leave a comment below, learn more about me, or follow me on Instagram.

Also! I’m also looking to start a community of people looking to build authentic connnections & grow together.

Thanks so much for reading! ~Emma